And Here She Blows

Unsure of what the balance held
I touched my belly overwhelmed
By what I hadn't chosen
To perform

Lauryn Hill/ To Zion


Wow! A lot has happened over the past few days. For one thing my attempt at negotiation with my company did not work. To cut a long story short my manager came back to me with an apologetic email saying the VP and the HR lady did not agree to my terms and since that was a deal breaker for me it was nice working with me and he hopes I would keep in touch. Just like that! No counter offer, no nothing.

To say I was mad was an understatement. I am VERY good at what I do, I know that, everyone knows that, so it was not an issue of them trying to get rid of a useless employee. It was just that moving forward with someone who demanded to be treated like a human being was not on the cards. That day, I was supposed to go around with a colleague of mine from SA, visiting independents/ freelancers. Just to be a good sport - and maybe partially pretending that I was not too hurt by everything - I went along. But a few hours into the ride, my anger and hurt began to affect my baby. I started hyperventilating and finally threw up over and over again. i had to go home, but I continued throwing up. Throughout that day and the next I did not feel a single movement from my baby. Then I realised I had to calm the fuck down! This was hardly the end of the world.

It's been almost a week now - 4 days to be precise- and I feel much better. My little bump is back to his/her restlessness and I am not worried anymore. I just am praying to make some money this month so I won't be totally broke. (kinda late, though, LOL). On a more positive note, two of my former colleagues sent me some lovely baby stuff from SA. And I went to church on Sunday, prayed about the problem, and felt good about it. God is good.

J.